Dylan reveals inspiration for Like a Rolling Stone
By Nate Mecredi
Bubble News Music Editor
Bob Dylan says the inspiration for his first major pop hit “Like a Rolling Stone” was none other than Richard M. Nixon.
“I was watching him on TV one day, and he just looked like the kind of guy that would “throw the bums a dime in his prime,” said Dylan through a publicist.
It was a startling revelation for an artist known for his inscrutable lyrics and songs that can seem to be about anything or nothing, both at the same time.
In a rambling press statement, Dylan underscored that very inscrutability when he also admitted that the inspiration behind “The Lonesome Death of Hattie Carroll” was a story he read about someone named Hollis Brown, and that the inspiration for the “Ballad of Hollis Brown.” actually came from reading the story of Hattie Carroll.
Admitting that the muse that inspires him, can be as “crazy as a loon sometime,” Dylan also admitted that “The Times They Are A-Changin” had curiously come at a time when he said he didn’t think times were changing much at all.
The statement seem to be an attempt by Dylan to put a damper on the sense of mystery that surrounds many of his songs. He claims now that “Don’t Think Twice, It’s All Right” came to him when he was standing in line at a bakery, and the woman ahead of him couldn’t decide what pastry to buy.
“I wrote ‘It Takes a Lot to Laugh, It Takes a Train to Cry’ while riding on a motorcycle, and ‘Motorpsycho Nightmare’ while riding on a train,” the statement says. Dylan also admitted the ‘Bob Dylan’s 115th Dream’ was only his 75th. “I do tend to exaggerate things at times in my songs,” he confesses in the statement.
Ironically, one song everyone had thought they new the inspiration for is not correct. “Queen Jane Approximately” was not, according to the statement, was not a song about the romance he and Joan Baez had at one time, but about a Queen Jane that Dylan swore for a time had actually ruled England in the 18th century.
When told of this revelation, a publicist for Joan Baez quoted the female icon as saying, “Then tell that little ferret to stick ‘Diamonds and Rust’ up his skinny ass.”
Tuesday, November 20, 2007
Wednesday, August 8, 2007
In the News
Man who retired to “spend more time with family” returns to work
By
Nate Mecredi
The Bubble News Service
A man claiming he had retired from his high level government job in order to spend more time with his family has returned to work, saying his family didn’t want to spend more time with him.
“It was the craziest thing,” the man, who chose to remain unanimous but confirmed he held a high-ranking position in the U.S. Commerce Department, said. “I walked in the door and said ‘I’m home for good,’ and my wife answered, ‘the hell you are.’”
The individual said he had spent most of his married life working up to 18 hour days and many weekends, in addition to extensive travel, and said he had believed he was just simply chasing the American Dream.
“But I didn’t know my children,” the man said with remorse.
The man’s spouse, who spoke only on condition that the media inform “the whole world” that she was maintaining an up to date Match.com account, confirmed her husband did not know his own children.
“He called one of them Mark – his name is Albert – and he seemed both shocked and surprised at the sight of our twin daughters, when they had approached him with what they wanted for Christmas,” the woman said, cheerfully offering her physical measurements for publication.
The woman said it wasn’t so much that she or her children resented their husband and father. “What’s to resent? We didn’t know him,” said the spouse. “We just felt that at this juncture in our lives, it would become too crowded for us to start including him in everything we did.”
In returning to work, the husband and father of the family asserted the news that his own family didn’t want him and that they had moved on was disturbing. “I guess you don’t know what you have until you don’t have it anymore. “The best thing I suppose is to not know what you have in the first place, so that when you lose it, you won’t miss it,” said the individual, claiming he was quoting Yogi Berra.
Apparently more bad news awaited the Commerce official when he returned to work.
“I couldn’t have my old job back,” he said. “All they had for me was something I had done early on in my career, when I did have the time to marry and start a family.
“The irony now is I have the time again, but no family,” the man remarked, staring sadly into the portrait frames on his desk that now sat empty.
By
Nate Mecredi
The Bubble News Service
A man claiming he had retired from his high level government job in order to spend more time with his family has returned to work, saying his family didn’t want to spend more time with him.
“It was the craziest thing,” the man, who chose to remain unanimous but confirmed he held a high-ranking position in the U.S. Commerce Department, said. “I walked in the door and said ‘I’m home for good,’ and my wife answered, ‘the hell you are.’”
The individual said he had spent most of his married life working up to 18 hour days and many weekends, in addition to extensive travel, and said he had believed he was just simply chasing the American Dream.
“But I didn’t know my children,” the man said with remorse.
The man’s spouse, who spoke only on condition that the media inform “the whole world” that she was maintaining an up to date Match.com account, confirmed her husband did not know his own children.
“He called one of them Mark – his name is Albert – and he seemed both shocked and surprised at the sight of our twin daughters, when they had approached him with what they wanted for Christmas,” the woman said, cheerfully offering her physical measurements for publication.
The woman said it wasn’t so much that she or her children resented their husband and father. “What’s to resent? We didn’t know him,” said the spouse. “We just felt that at this juncture in our lives, it would become too crowded for us to start including him in everything we did.”
In returning to work, the husband and father of the family asserted the news that his own family didn’t want him and that they had moved on was disturbing. “I guess you don’t know what you have until you don’t have it anymore. “The best thing I suppose is to not know what you have in the first place, so that when you lose it, you won’t miss it,” said the individual, claiming he was quoting Yogi Berra.
Apparently more bad news awaited the Commerce official when he returned to work.
“I couldn’t have my old job back,” he said. “All they had for me was something I had done early on in my career, when I did have the time to marry and start a family.
“The irony now is I have the time again, but no family,” the man remarked, staring sadly into the portrait frames on his desk that now sat empty.
Friday, April 6, 2007
Developing Story
Report confirms White House Easter egg hunt turned up no eggs
By
Nate Mecredi
Special to the Bubble News
A secret report recently released under the Freedom of Information Act, reveals that the annual White House Easter Egg Hunt turned up no eggs. Dozens of invited guests expressed frustration and confusion.
“We were told over and over again that there were Easter eggs hidden all over the White House grounds,” said one young disappointed participant. “But hours after running around, none of us found anything at all. It sucks.”
Staffers mollified the disappointed children with ice cream and cotton candy, but then refused to let any of them go home until at least some of the eggs were found. That brought the ire of parents and guardians.
“We were promised they would all be home in time for their afternoon naps,” said one disgruntled parent. “Now they’re telling us they don’t know when they’ll be able to go home, and now they’re all hepped up on sugar.”
In the secret report, many of the agencies involved in planning the annual charity event are said to have been scrambling ever since to confirm that their documentation as to where the eggs had been hidden was correct. The Bush administration maintained that the Easter eggs would eventually turn up.
“I have darned good Easter egg hunters,” Bush is reported to have said.
Critics, however, are said to be focusing on several pieces of information that suggest there were no eggs to hide in the first place. The most damning piece of evidence – a shopping list that was supposed to include “10 dozen eggs” and “four packages of PAAS egg decorating kits” is now considered by many to be a forgery.
“The handwriting matches no one on the First Lady’s staff, and the letterhead says Nancy Reagan, who left the White House in 1988,” says an unidentified staffer, who spoke only on condition of the complete revelation of his identity. “The shopping list is clearly a fraud, and a very bad one at that.”
It’s believed that the fake shopping list was forged by a disgruntled member of the housekeeping staff, and then given to one of the Italian gardeners to give to officials.
Nevertheless, Mrs. Bush’s English housekeeper maintains the list is from Mrs. Bush’s own hand, and the White House is shown to be emphasizing her remarks, although no one in the White House has apparently bothered so far to ask her why she believes the shopping lists is in fact Mrs. Bush’s.
Some administration officials point to the discovery of two empty egg cartons that prove that eggs had to have been hidden. But others say those cartons represented eggs that had been used for a crème broule dessert recently served at a White House luncheon.
One of the children, Todd Gack, a nephew of former Weapons Inspector Hans Blix, did say he found one egg that was buried deep in the ground near the rose garden.
“It looked all yucky, like it had been there for ten years or maybe a million,” said the young Gack, believed to be Dutch.
The administration was quick to point to Gack’s discovery as proof the eggs were there as they had predicted all along.
There is also evidence in the report that some of the White House housekeeping departments had wanted the hunt to be delayed until proof of the eggs actually being hidden could be verified by a group of experienced egg hunters from a local private school. The administration disagreed.
“We believe those eggs pose the imminent possibility of being carried away by squirrels, large birds and raccoons,” the administration stated in a major speech on the subject the previous October. “Why take the risk of disappointing so many kids, when we have hard evidence that the squirrels, birds and raccoons are rapidly developing the capability of carrying off most if not all of these Grade A’s.”
But there were also signs in the report that some in the administration were already backing away from earlier statements concerning the hidden eggs.
“The annual Easter egg hunt is about more than just finding Easter eggs,” said one administration official, who spoke on condition of helping him find a job in broadcast journalism. “It’s about the kids and connecting to their government. Even if no eggs turn up, this hunt was worth all the effort and sacrifice.”
By
Nate Mecredi
Special to the Bubble News
A secret report recently released under the Freedom of Information Act, reveals that the annual White House Easter Egg Hunt turned up no eggs. Dozens of invited guests expressed frustration and confusion.
“We were told over and over again that there were Easter eggs hidden all over the White House grounds,” said one young disappointed participant. “But hours after running around, none of us found anything at all. It sucks.”
Staffers mollified the disappointed children with ice cream and cotton candy, but then refused to let any of them go home until at least some of the eggs were found. That brought the ire of parents and guardians.
“We were promised they would all be home in time for their afternoon naps,” said one disgruntled parent. “Now they’re telling us they don’t know when they’ll be able to go home, and now they’re all hepped up on sugar.”
In the secret report, many of the agencies involved in planning the annual charity event are said to have been scrambling ever since to confirm that their documentation as to where the eggs had been hidden was correct. The Bush administration maintained that the Easter eggs would eventually turn up.
“I have darned good Easter egg hunters,” Bush is reported to have said.
Critics, however, are said to be focusing on several pieces of information that suggest there were no eggs to hide in the first place. The most damning piece of evidence – a shopping list that was supposed to include “10 dozen eggs” and “four packages of PAAS egg decorating kits” is now considered by many to be a forgery.
“The handwriting matches no one on the First Lady’s staff, and the letterhead says Nancy Reagan, who left the White House in 1988,” says an unidentified staffer, who spoke only on condition of the complete revelation of his identity. “The shopping list is clearly a fraud, and a very bad one at that.”
It’s believed that the fake shopping list was forged by a disgruntled member of the housekeeping staff, and then given to one of the Italian gardeners to give to officials.
Nevertheless, Mrs. Bush’s English housekeeper maintains the list is from Mrs. Bush’s own hand, and the White House is shown to be emphasizing her remarks, although no one in the White House has apparently bothered so far to ask her why she believes the shopping lists is in fact Mrs. Bush’s.
Some administration officials point to the discovery of two empty egg cartons that prove that eggs had to have been hidden. But others say those cartons represented eggs that had been used for a crème broule dessert recently served at a White House luncheon.
One of the children, Todd Gack, a nephew of former Weapons Inspector Hans Blix, did say he found one egg that was buried deep in the ground near the rose garden.
“It looked all yucky, like it had been there for ten years or maybe a million,” said the young Gack, believed to be Dutch.
The administration was quick to point to Gack’s discovery as proof the eggs were there as they had predicted all along.
There is also evidence in the report that some of the White House housekeeping departments had wanted the hunt to be delayed until proof of the eggs actually being hidden could be verified by a group of experienced egg hunters from a local private school. The administration disagreed.
“We believe those eggs pose the imminent possibility of being carried away by squirrels, large birds and raccoons,” the administration stated in a major speech on the subject the previous October. “Why take the risk of disappointing so many kids, when we have hard evidence that the squirrels, birds and raccoons are rapidly developing the capability of carrying off most if not all of these Grade A’s.”
But there were also signs in the report that some in the administration were already backing away from earlier statements concerning the hidden eggs.
“The annual Easter egg hunt is about more than just finding Easter eggs,” said one administration official, who spoke on condition of helping him find a job in broadcast journalism. “It’s about the kids and connecting to their government. Even if no eggs turn up, this hunt was worth all the effort and sacrifice.”
Monday, March 5, 2007
This Just In...
Coulter narrowly avoids loose cannon
By
Nate Mecredi
The Bubble News Service
A civil war era cannon, located on the grounds of a rehab center, broke loose from its moorings and narrowly avoided smashing into conservative columnist Ann Coulter as she spoke at the center over the weekend, according to a witness who had attended the event.
The witness, who spoke only on condition of receiving a boxed set edition of Brokeback Mountain, said Coulter had just began speaking when someone in the crowd suddenly shouted “Loose cannon!” and pointed in her direction toward a hill behind her. The audience gasped as they watched the canon careening down the hill and toward Ms. Coulter who had just begun her remarks by telling the crowd that “Liberals are always looking over their backs, thinking someone or something is after them. It’s so ironic!”
It almost was for Ms. Coulter.
“Initially, security mistakenly ran toward Coulter herself when they heard the cry from the crowd,” said the witness, “but then realized it was an actual cannon that had broken loose.” Security managed to divert the cannon, which smashed into an automobile emblazoned with “Edwards for President” posters that had been parked nearby.
Coulter, who was unfazed by the incident, noted later in a press interview that the cannon had no doubt been installed “by some little faggot that doesn’t know how to chock a wheel.”
Coulter quickly dismissed any suspicion that the cannon had been purposely set loose to cause her bodily harm. “Liberals don’t like guns, remember?”
The witness said Coulter admitted this was not the first incident where a breakaway cannon had posed a physical threat to her. “Actually, it’s happened so many times now, I’ve begun to think of myself as a loose cannon,” she told reporters, and then added when no one laughed, “I was joking!”
Coulter had been invited to speak at the rehab center that specializes in patients suffering from Tourette Syndrome, a disorder characterized by sudden and involuntary outbursts of invective. According to the center, Coulter waived her usual fee, saying she had a soft place in her heart for people with Tourette. “It’s something the really strikes a nerve deep inside me,” Coulter said.
By the end of the day the cannon had been temporarily secured with stones and a warning sign that read, “Careful, loose,” along with another sign commemorating Coulter’s visit that day.
By
Nate Mecredi
The Bubble News Service
A civil war era cannon, located on the grounds of a rehab center, broke loose from its moorings and narrowly avoided smashing into conservative columnist Ann Coulter as she spoke at the center over the weekend, according to a witness who had attended the event.
The witness, who spoke only on condition of receiving a boxed set edition of Brokeback Mountain, said Coulter had just began speaking when someone in the crowd suddenly shouted “Loose cannon!” and pointed in her direction toward a hill behind her. The audience gasped as they watched the canon careening down the hill and toward Ms. Coulter who had just begun her remarks by telling the crowd that “Liberals are always looking over their backs, thinking someone or something is after them. It’s so ironic!”
It almost was for Ms. Coulter.
“Initially, security mistakenly ran toward Coulter herself when they heard the cry from the crowd,” said the witness, “but then realized it was an actual cannon that had broken loose.” Security managed to divert the cannon, which smashed into an automobile emblazoned with “Edwards for President” posters that had been parked nearby.
Coulter, who was unfazed by the incident, noted later in a press interview that the cannon had no doubt been installed “by some little faggot that doesn’t know how to chock a wheel.”
Coulter quickly dismissed any suspicion that the cannon had been purposely set loose to cause her bodily harm. “Liberals don’t like guns, remember?”
The witness said Coulter admitted this was not the first incident where a breakaway cannon had posed a physical threat to her. “Actually, it’s happened so many times now, I’ve begun to think of myself as a loose cannon,” she told reporters, and then added when no one laughed, “I was joking!”
Coulter had been invited to speak at the rehab center that specializes in patients suffering from Tourette Syndrome, a disorder characterized by sudden and involuntary outbursts of invective. According to the center, Coulter waived her usual fee, saying she had a soft place in her heart for people with Tourette. “It’s something the really strikes a nerve deep inside me,” Coulter said.
By the end of the day the cannon had been temporarily secured with stones and a warning sign that read, “Careful, loose,” along with another sign commemorating Coulter’s visit that day.
Friday, February 23, 2007
Fake News
Jet Blue foils airline terror plot, report says
By
Nate Mecredi
The Bubble News Service
A secret FBI report, commissioned by the Bush administration, is suggesting that the recent fiasco involving Jet Blue’s stranding of hundreds of passengers due to stalled takeoffs and flight cancellations may have thwarted “at least one and maybe more terrorist plots using airlines to destroy several possible U.S. targets.”
The individual who leaked details of the FBI report, and who spoke only on condition of receiving free overnight accommodations at a New York airport hotel the next time he flies, is believed to be a former staffer of I. Lewis “Scooter” Libby.
“The report clearly identifies Al Qaeda, Hezbollah, Iran, N. Korea, Pakistan, Indonesia and Hugo Chavez as possible sources of plots to use Jet Blue aircraft to crash into a variety of U.S. landmarks,” said the source, L. Dominick “Skatekey” Ricardo. “The FBI believes the failure of so many Jet Blue planes to take off thwarted what the report claims was a massive plot to destroy such well known American landmarks including the Brooklyn Bridge, Disney World, and the Eiffel Tower – the one in Vegas, that is.”
The report includes evidence suggesting that in addition to the plot to hijack Jet Blue aircraft, “as many as a dozen suitcase bombs” may have never reached their destinations due to those bags being abandoned by Jet Blue employees at airport baggage areas. It is also believed that one of the Jet Blue flights that stranded passengers on the tarmac at JFK International led to two of the terror suspects exchanging a pair of box cutters and a flight manual for some bottled water.
The source stated that the impetus for the report came from a recent Karl Rove memo directing all government agencies to blame anything and everything that goes wrong in this country “either on terror or the Clintons.”
Jet Blue officials would not comment officially on the report, but one employee, who spoke on condition of receiving food vouchers good at any airport dining facility, said that privately, Jet Blue’s marketing team was already at work on a soon-to-be launched promotional campaign touting the airline as “the least preferred by shadowy terror groups bent on our destruction.”
Executives at other U.S. based carriers are said to be carefully monitoring the situation with Jet Blue to see if their own problems with delays and cancellations can be laid at the feet of terror. “Blaming the weather only gets you so far,” one executive is heard to have remarked. “And, after all, we were once able to blame a Clinton haircut for delays at LAX.”
In a related development, FEMA has announced that Jet Blue will be the agency’s “official airline for emergency evacuations.” The announcement was met with surprise on the part of airline executives, themselves looking to cash in on rich FEMA agreements that tend to throw mountains of money at no-bid contractors with few if any conditions attached on how that money should be spent. The announcement also came as a shock to current and future victims of natural disasters, especially those in hurricane prone areas, such as Florida and Louisiana.
“I think I’ll take my chances with the buses next time,” said Hurricane Katrina victim Leona Watson, currently living under the I-10 overpass in New Orleans.
Several companies are said to be courting FEMA to be named the “official bottled water company,” the “official tarp supplier” and the “official Shelter of Last Resort” for all future natural disasters. FEMA is said to be now looking into expanding its list of “official suppliers,” and adding corporate naming rights to relief efforts, such as the “Allstate/State Farm Hurricane Katrina Relief” as a way of raising revenue to support its future activities.
By
Nate Mecredi
The Bubble News Service
A secret FBI report, commissioned by the Bush administration, is suggesting that the recent fiasco involving Jet Blue’s stranding of hundreds of passengers due to stalled takeoffs and flight cancellations may have thwarted “at least one and maybe more terrorist plots using airlines to destroy several possible U.S. targets.”
The individual who leaked details of the FBI report, and who spoke only on condition of receiving free overnight accommodations at a New York airport hotel the next time he flies, is believed to be a former staffer of I. Lewis “Scooter” Libby.
“The report clearly identifies Al Qaeda, Hezbollah, Iran, N. Korea, Pakistan, Indonesia and Hugo Chavez as possible sources of plots to use Jet Blue aircraft to crash into a variety of U.S. landmarks,” said the source, L. Dominick “Skatekey” Ricardo. “The FBI believes the failure of so many Jet Blue planes to take off thwarted what the report claims was a massive plot to destroy such well known American landmarks including the Brooklyn Bridge, Disney World, and the Eiffel Tower – the one in Vegas, that is.”
The report includes evidence suggesting that in addition to the plot to hijack Jet Blue aircraft, “as many as a dozen suitcase bombs” may have never reached their destinations due to those bags being abandoned by Jet Blue employees at airport baggage areas. It is also believed that one of the Jet Blue flights that stranded passengers on the tarmac at JFK International led to two of the terror suspects exchanging a pair of box cutters and a flight manual for some bottled water.
The source stated that the impetus for the report came from a recent Karl Rove memo directing all government agencies to blame anything and everything that goes wrong in this country “either on terror or the Clintons.”
Jet Blue officials would not comment officially on the report, but one employee, who spoke on condition of receiving food vouchers good at any airport dining facility, said that privately, Jet Blue’s marketing team was already at work on a soon-to-be launched promotional campaign touting the airline as “the least preferred by shadowy terror groups bent on our destruction.”
Executives at other U.S. based carriers are said to be carefully monitoring the situation with Jet Blue to see if their own problems with delays and cancellations can be laid at the feet of terror. “Blaming the weather only gets you so far,” one executive is heard to have remarked. “And, after all, we were once able to blame a Clinton haircut for delays at LAX.”
In a related development, FEMA has announced that Jet Blue will be the agency’s “official airline for emergency evacuations.” The announcement was met with surprise on the part of airline executives, themselves looking to cash in on rich FEMA agreements that tend to throw mountains of money at no-bid contractors with few if any conditions attached on how that money should be spent. The announcement also came as a shock to current and future victims of natural disasters, especially those in hurricane prone areas, such as Florida and Louisiana.
“I think I’ll take my chances with the buses next time,” said Hurricane Katrina victim Leona Watson, currently living under the I-10 overpass in New Orleans.
Several companies are said to be courting FEMA to be named the “official bottled water company,” the “official tarp supplier” and the “official Shelter of Last Resort” for all future natural disasters. FEMA is said to be now looking into expanding its list of “official suppliers,” and adding corporate naming rights to relief efforts, such as the “Allstate/State Farm Hurricane Katrina Relief” as a way of raising revenue to support its future activities.
Thursday, February 15, 2007
Developing Story
Rumsfeld resignation letter focused on famed Letters of Transit
By
Nate Mecredi
Special to the Bubble News Service
(Washington, Feb. 15, 2007) A deeply placed source within the Pentagon claims former Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld’s resignation letter advocated abandoning efforts to uncover Weapons of Mass Destruction in Iraq, and instead wanted U.S. forces stationed there to begin looking for two missing “Letters of Transit.”
The source said there is a report from British Intelligence suggesting the real possibility that Saddam Hussein had once been in possession of these letters, and may have originally considered attempting to use them to escape Iraq following the United States’ invasion there.
“You must understand that such letters are absolutely critical in escaping a hostile war zone,” the source said. “Especially when you’re already behind enemy lines.”
The source added that when Rumsfeld read the intelligence report suggesting Saddam could have simply showed the letters to U.S. soldiers guarding Iraqi border crossings, and then been allowed to pass, without even bothering to disguise himself, the Secretary is said to have whistled and muttered, “Hey, those are some letters!”
Letters of Transit have long been used during periods of open hostilities to enable the free flow of individuals critical to the conduct of that war. They were first employed in World War II, and permitted spies and rebels within German-controlled territories, such as Casablanca, to escape and continue their subversive work on free soil.
“The Letters of Transit employed during World War II had been signed by General DeGaulle himself and could not be rescinded for any reason, even if the German army had seized known spies or subversives in their own territory,” the source explained. “Even spies known to have been plotting with the French Resistance in German-occupied Vichy France would have to be released when such Letters were shown.”
The source said Rumsfeld believed it’s these Letters of Transit that possibly explains why the United States has been unable to capture members of the Taliban or Osama bin Laden.
“They probably all have these letters,” Rumsfeld is reported to have said.
But a British intelligence officer has warned that the United States should not put too much stock in the report concerning the existence of those letters.
“We have not been able to verify either the authenticity of the intelligence or the actual existence of these ‘Letters of Transit,’” the officer told a British tabloid. “We’re trying to locate the author of that report right now. We understand he is in Paris, perhaps attending a Humphrey Bogart Film Festival.”
The Pentagon source, who spoke only on condition of complete identification, and wished to be known as Rick, said he asked Rumsfeld, after the Secretary had signed his resignation memo, if the Letters could also have been used to ferry Saddam’s WMD’s out of the country in advance of invading U.S. forces.
“I saw Rumsfeld furrow his brow and then shrug,” Rick said. “And then he told me, ‘It’s getting harder and harder to get the American people to believe whatever we tell them.’”
By
Nate Mecredi
Special to the Bubble News Service
(Washington, Feb. 15, 2007) A deeply placed source within the Pentagon claims former Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld’s resignation letter advocated abandoning efforts to uncover Weapons of Mass Destruction in Iraq, and instead wanted U.S. forces stationed there to begin looking for two missing “Letters of Transit.”
The source said there is a report from British Intelligence suggesting the real possibility that Saddam Hussein had once been in possession of these letters, and may have originally considered attempting to use them to escape Iraq following the United States’ invasion there.
“You must understand that such letters are absolutely critical in escaping a hostile war zone,” the source said. “Especially when you’re already behind enemy lines.”
The source added that when Rumsfeld read the intelligence report suggesting Saddam could have simply showed the letters to U.S. soldiers guarding Iraqi border crossings, and then been allowed to pass, without even bothering to disguise himself, the Secretary is said to have whistled and muttered, “Hey, those are some letters!”
Letters of Transit have long been used during periods of open hostilities to enable the free flow of individuals critical to the conduct of that war. They were first employed in World War II, and permitted spies and rebels within German-controlled territories, such as Casablanca, to escape and continue their subversive work on free soil.
“The Letters of Transit employed during World War II had been signed by General DeGaulle himself and could not be rescinded for any reason, even if the German army had seized known spies or subversives in their own territory,” the source explained. “Even spies known to have been plotting with the French Resistance in German-occupied Vichy France would have to be released when such Letters were shown.”
The source said Rumsfeld believed it’s these Letters of Transit that possibly explains why the United States has been unable to capture members of the Taliban or Osama bin Laden.
“They probably all have these letters,” Rumsfeld is reported to have said.
But a British intelligence officer has warned that the United States should not put too much stock in the report concerning the existence of those letters.
“We have not been able to verify either the authenticity of the intelligence or the actual existence of these ‘Letters of Transit,’” the officer told a British tabloid. “We’re trying to locate the author of that report right now. We understand he is in Paris, perhaps attending a Humphrey Bogart Film Festival.”
The Pentagon source, who spoke only on condition of complete identification, and wished to be known as Rick, said he asked Rumsfeld, after the Secretary had signed his resignation memo, if the Letters could also have been used to ferry Saddam’s WMD’s out of the country in advance of invading U.S. forces.
“I saw Rumsfeld furrow his brow and then shrug,” Rick said. “And then he told me, ‘It’s getting harder and harder to get the American people to believe whatever we tell them.’”
Breaking News
Bin Laden DVD Boxed Set contains extra features
By
Nate Mecredi
Special to the Bubble News
(Qatar, Feb. 15, 2007) The Free Arab Broadcasting Network, Al-Jezeera, is reporting it is in receipt of a DVD Boxed Set of all Osama Bin Laden VHS format videotapes previously released to the network. The boxed set is believed to have been produced by members of Bin Laden’s terrorist organization, Al Qaeda. Network officials say the DVD collection contains commentary, previously unpublished clips, as well as alternate scenes of Bin Laden and other members of the Al-Qaeda network crowing over a variety of terrorist acts.
“The DVD version strongly suggests that Bin Laden and Al-Qaeda had many possible terrorist plots going on at the same time,” says Al-Jezeera, “and they were evidently unclear as to which ones - if any- were going to succeed.”
In addition to the demonstrations of praise and glee over the attack on the World Trade Center, Al-Jezeera says alternate scenes show Bin Laden and others celebrating a successful attack on the George Washington Bridge, The Lincoln Tunnel, The Statue of Liberty and a restaurant referred to in the DVD as the “44th Street Deli.”
“This format reveals the extent and ambition of Osama Bin Laden to carry his terror to the United States,” Al-Jezeera reports. “Clearly New York and its many icons have been targeted by Bin Laden and may still be.”
Al-Jezeera could offer no explanation why the alternate scenes of celebration included that of a corner New York deli, other than it had apparently overcharged an Al-Qaeda operative once for a Knish, just prior to the attacks on September 11.
“They may not know how to land and takeoff,” Al-Jezeera said, “but they can certainly count change, and apparently, the operative felt $8 back from a $20 for a Knish and a coke was too much even by New York standards.”
In addition to the alternate scenes of the different possible attacks, the network reports the DVD offers a variety of languages as well as celebrations. In one instance, Bin Laden and other Al Qaeda operatives were seen square dancing, doing a polka, a tango, the Flamenco, the Macarena and even the Chicken Dance.
“It appears they were trying for the widest cultural appeal for expressing their joy and praise for the attacks,” the network said.
The DVD also includes outtakes, according to Al-Jezeera, that in one instance shows Bin Laden idly picking his nose, and then apparently contemplating what to do with the results.
“It’s a very open, revealing and personal scene,” the network said, “showing that Bin Laden can be an average down-home mensch who picks his nose and also scratches himself when he thinks no one is looking.”
While the DVD demonstrates that Al-Qaeda certainly means business, Al-Jezeera said the overall impact of the additional scenes show Bin Laden’s more “playful” side.
“He comes off as someone you would want to spend a casual evening discussing film or the best way to strap plastic explosives to a 12-year old martyr or stuff it into the heel of a shoe before boarding a plane,” the network reported.
The network hastened to add, however, that even with all the additional scenes and footage, nothing about Al-Qaeda’s future plans could be discerned.
“Just to be safe, however, we would advise any deli owners in New York to review with their help how to make accurate change,” the network said.
By
Nate Mecredi
Special to the Bubble News
(Qatar, Feb. 15, 2007) The Free Arab Broadcasting Network, Al-Jezeera, is reporting it is in receipt of a DVD Boxed Set of all Osama Bin Laden VHS format videotapes previously released to the network. The boxed set is believed to have been produced by members of Bin Laden’s terrorist organization, Al Qaeda. Network officials say the DVD collection contains commentary, previously unpublished clips, as well as alternate scenes of Bin Laden and other members of the Al-Qaeda network crowing over a variety of terrorist acts.
“The DVD version strongly suggests that Bin Laden and Al-Qaeda had many possible terrorist plots going on at the same time,” says Al-Jezeera, “and they were evidently unclear as to which ones - if any- were going to succeed.”
In addition to the demonstrations of praise and glee over the attack on the World Trade Center, Al-Jezeera says alternate scenes show Bin Laden and others celebrating a successful attack on the George Washington Bridge, The Lincoln Tunnel, The Statue of Liberty and a restaurant referred to in the DVD as the “44th Street Deli.”
“This format reveals the extent and ambition of Osama Bin Laden to carry his terror to the United States,” Al-Jezeera reports. “Clearly New York and its many icons have been targeted by Bin Laden and may still be.”
Al-Jezeera could offer no explanation why the alternate scenes of celebration included that of a corner New York deli, other than it had apparently overcharged an Al-Qaeda operative once for a Knish, just prior to the attacks on September 11.
“They may not know how to land and takeoff,” Al-Jezeera said, “but they can certainly count change, and apparently, the operative felt $8 back from a $20 for a Knish and a coke was too much even by New York standards.”
In addition to the alternate scenes of the different possible attacks, the network reports the DVD offers a variety of languages as well as celebrations. In one instance, Bin Laden and other Al Qaeda operatives were seen square dancing, doing a polka, a tango, the Flamenco, the Macarena and even the Chicken Dance.
“It appears they were trying for the widest cultural appeal for expressing their joy and praise for the attacks,” the network said.
The DVD also includes outtakes, according to Al-Jezeera, that in one instance shows Bin Laden idly picking his nose, and then apparently contemplating what to do with the results.
“It’s a very open, revealing and personal scene,” the network said, “showing that Bin Laden can be an average down-home mensch who picks his nose and also scratches himself when he thinks no one is looking.”
While the DVD demonstrates that Al-Qaeda certainly means business, Al-Jezeera said the overall impact of the additional scenes show Bin Laden’s more “playful” side.
“He comes off as someone you would want to spend a casual evening discussing film or the best way to strap plastic explosives to a 12-year old martyr or stuff it into the heel of a shoe before boarding a plane,” the network reported.
The network hastened to add, however, that even with all the additional scenes and footage, nothing about Al-Qaeda’s future plans could be discerned.
“Just to be safe, however, we would advise any deli owners in New York to review with their help how to make accurate change,” the network said.
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